diumenge, de novembre 26, 2006

Quaderns etnogràfics (I bis) - Oda a la Pubilla catalana

Admirat Dr. Cabró, estimats col.laboradors/es d'aquest humil blog, sóc el Pacient Imbècil.

Com a presentació ràpida, només dir que sóc un fervent seguidor de les teràpies i teories científiques del nostre estimat Dr. Cabró, que, com a pacient seu que sóc, m'han ajudat a no besar la pols del terra en múltiples ocasions en que l'artilleria femenina havia tocat la meva línia de flotació.

Arrel d'aquesta col.laboració i companyonia amb l'admirat Dr. Cabró, i de sadollar la meva set d'aprenentatge del món femení amb l'inesgotable brollador de saviesa que és el nostre Doctor, m'he vist amb cor de volar del niu de l'admirat Doctor, i emprendre els meus estudis paral.lels per tal d'analitzar, estudiar i tractar de disseccionar amb precisió de cirurgià, el món de les fèmines que ens envolten.

És per això que he creat els anomenats QUADERNS ETNOGRÀFICS.

Evidentment, qualsevol comparació del contingut d'aquests Quaderns amb la magnitud titànica dels postulats del nostre admirat Doctor, resulta odiosa i perversa. Només sóc un Pacient, el Pacient Imbècil.

Fetes les presentacions, entrem, doncs, en matèria.

He trigat a poder escriure en aquest blog ja que, com molt bé va avançar l'admirat Dr. Cabró, em trobava de viatge científic per les provínices extremenyes i andaluses, recollint dades empíriques que em permetessin avançar en els meus estudis etnogràfics sobre el laberíntic món de les femelles, tant catalanes com hispàniques (les comparacions són odioses, però poden esdevenir molt útils, i si no, rememorem l'entranyable Manuel Luque i els seus anuncis de Colón: "Busque, compare y si encuentra algo mejor, cómprelo").

Retornat doncs, a les estimades terres catalanes no puc més que constatar, amb gran desconsol i tristesa, un evident canvi de caràcter, temperament i predisposició a la conversa amb homes, de les noies més enllà de l'Ebre. La joia, salero, trempera i somriures amb que hom fou rebut per part de les fèmines hispàniques fou extraordinari. Venint de les terres catalanes, allò em semblà un autèntic paradís, un lloc a on la gent, i les fèmines en concret, són plenes de VIDA (i vagi per avançat, que no es va produir cap tipus de contacte sexual explícit, i per tant, no hi ha cap factor que provoqui una desviació en l'exactitud de les dades recollides).

És per això que, en tornant a casa, a l'estimada Catalunya, amb les nostrades noies i els seus murs, armadures, escuts, etc, i tota la bateria d'elements que es creen per a fer-se infranquejables (i comprovant-ho ja, la primera nit d'estada i sortida per territori català) el desencís m'ha assolat.

Així doncs, amarat de melangia de joia hispànica, i de tristesa d'incomprensió catalana, l'esborronament no em permet escriure cap teoria estrictament científica en la inauguració d'aquests Quaderns Etnogràfics, i únicament la força, la ràbia i la dignitat de la poesia em permet expressar el mar de sentiments contradictoris que es barregen a dins meu.

Aquí us deixo, doncs, una adaptació pròpia i lliure del poema Oda a Espanya de Joan Maragall (que em perdoni el poeta Maragall, però en aquest cas, les terres hispàniques ens dónen una lliçó).

ODA A LA PUBILLA CATALANA

Escolta, Pubilla, - la veu d'un hereu
que et parla en llengua - no enganyosa;
parlo en la llengua - que m'ha donat
la nit aspra:
en aquesta llengua - pocs t'han parlat;
en l'altra, massa.

T'han parlat massa - dels Cosmopolitans
i de les que per la moda moren:
les teves glòries - i les teves divinitats,
divinitats i glòries - només d’hereus trepitjats:
has viscut trista.

Jo vull parlar-te - molt altrament.
Per què reprimir la força eròtica de la naturalesa?
Dins del cos - vida és aquesta força,
vida pels hereus d'ara - i per les pubilles que vindran:
reprimida és morta.

Massa pensaves - en ton honor
i massa poc en el teu viure:
tràgica duies - a mort els hereus,
et satisfeies - d'honres mortals,
i eren tes festes - els funerals,
oh trista Pubilla!

Jo he vist els bars i festes - replens
dels hereus que ignoraves - per a que morissin:
somrients vagarejaven - cap a l'atzar;
i tu cantaves Coti - vora de la barra
com una folla.

On són els admiradors? - On són els hereus?
Pregunta-ho al Ragazza i a l’altiva corrent feminista:
tot ho perderes, - no tens ningú.
Pubilla, Pubilla, - retorna en tu,
arrenca el desig de dona!

Salva't, oh!, salva't - de tant menyspreu i frigidesa;
que el desig et torni fecunda, alegre i viva;
pensa en la vida que tens entorn:
aixeca el front,
somriu als set colors que hi ha en els núvols.

On ets, Pubilla? - no et veig enlloc,
No sents la meva veu atronadora?
No entens aquesta llengua - que et parla humil?
Has desaprès d'entendre els teus hereus?
Adéu, Pubilla!
El Pacient Imbècil
Adaptació lliure del poema Oda a Espanya de Joan Maragall

44 comentaris:

Doctor Cabró ha dit...

Estimat Pacient, rebo amb tristesa i consternació les seves notícies sobre l'estada a les terres surenyes.

Per si el nostre estimat país no tenia prou problemes ara constatem, amb desolació, que en les comparaciones de les dones foranes amb les nostres pubilles, aquestes cada cop en surten més malparades.

És aquest un paisatge desolador, s'ha de recuperar l'essència perduda de la pubilla.

Signat,

l'afligit Doctor Cabró.

Anònim ha dit...

Dr Cabró, és vostè missogen?

Mireia ha dit...

Doncs jo estic ben contenta i satisfeta de ser catalana. Ja comenceu amb les generalitzacions i comparacions, psst... parles com si el fet de recórrer uns quants kilòmetres fassi canviar el caràcter de les persones...mare meva!
Doncs aneu a Valladolid amb una senyera i una barretina, ja veureu que bé que us tractaran i com us estimaran.
Una pregunta: qué només sortiu per Barcelona vosaltres?
Salut!

Mireia ha dit...

Ja de pas contesto a l'anònim:
Si, són uns missògins de la òstia, encara que- evidentment- ho negaran.

Dr Sabó ha dit...

Mire, tu tampoc ets una santeta...eh?

Mireia ha dit...

I ara què et passa Dr. Sabó?

Doctor Cabró ha dit...

Dr Cabró, és vostè missogen?

Estimat/da anònim/a,

he buscat missogen (sic) al diccionari i no he trobat cap mot que s'hi correspongui. Com l'amic Google diria en aquests casos, potser volia dir...

Nitrogen
Oxigen
Endògen
Misògin

Esculli la opció correcta, i llavors el Doctor Cabró contestarà amablement a les seves objeccions,
mentrestant em veig en la impossibilitat de donar-li una resposta, el proper cop afini una mica a l'hora d'escriure les paraules i eviti maltractar la nostra llengua.

Atentament,

Doctor Cabró.

Doctor Cabró ha dit...

Apreciada Mireia,

la llista de poblacions catalanes on el Doctor Cabró ha gaudit del món nocturn seria força llarga i no val la pena detallar-la, però en totes elles existeix un denominador comú que coincideix amb la brillant conclusió a la que ha arribat el Pacient Imbècil.

Sobre les infantils acusacions de misogínia, si prefereixen refugiar-se en els tòpics i esmunyir-se del debat seriós estan en el seu dret, però amb aquesta actitud l'únic que fan és donar-nos indirectament la raó. Una cosa és la misogínia, i una altra ben diferent és denunciar des d'un punt de vista simpàtic i humorístic les actituds i comportaments de certes dones que exhibeixen una antipatia i una prepotència absolutament injustificada.

Atentament,

Doctor Cabró.

Mireia ha dit...

Clar... clar.

La veu de la consciència ha dit...

Mireieta, t'has quedat sense rèplica a la última contestació del Dr Cabró...

Mireia ha dit...

Si, si, té tota la raó. Totes les dones són iguals.

El Pacient Imbècil ha dit...

Amb la vènia del Dr. Cabró:

Estimada Mireia, et sorprèn que la distància geogràfica origini canvis en el caràcter i comportament de les noies. Veig que no has estudiat res d'ecologia i els nínxols ecològics de les espècies animals. Et recomano la lectura d'un gran llibre "Ecologia" del sr. Michael Begon (edicions Omega). Allà veuràs que cada bestiola es mou en uns determinats paràmetres i entorns geogràfics, i dins d'aquests entorns desenvolupa unes característiques genotípiques (internes) i fenotípiques (externes) que modulen els seus hàbits i comportaments. És per això que, la ubicació geogràfica (el nínxol ecològic) determina d'una manera decisiva la vida, hàbits, comportaments i aparença dels animals que es mouen en els seu interior (i si no, vés a Formentera i veuràs unes sargantanes verdes i descarades que només pots trobar allà!).

Mireia ha dit...

Per tant, les noies de Bcn ciutat no seran igual que les de Lleida o les de Girona o les de Vic o les de Palau de Plegamans. Tampoc seran iguals les noies de Gràcia que les Bonanova o les de Camprodon i les de Reus. També seran diferents les noies de Tremp respecte les noies de Balaguer o Salou. Tampoc seran iguals les de Tortosà i les de Berga, o les de Cerdanyola i les de Martorell, Manresa, Rupit o Sant Joan de Vilatorrada. Per tant, no donis a entendre que totes les catalanes són així o són aixà pq no és cert, vosaltres mateixos ho dieu.

El Pacient Imbècil ha dit...

Estimada Mireia,

Veig que a la classe de geografia catalana vas estar molt atenta, tot i que m'ha dolgut que, en el teu llistat, no aparegui la nostrada vila de Ripoll (lloc de repòs del nostre comte Guifré).

Ara bé, tu mateixa has donat al clau. Sense ésser les catalanetes igual a tot arreu, sí que es produeix un fet nacionalment homoegeneïtzador en la gran majoria d'elles. Fet que us caracteritza, a una bona part de la comunitat femenina, de ser unes esquerpes, frígides, intocables i amb creença i tendència al "divinisme de la mort" que de tan guapes que us creieu potser us acabareu morint de gust.

I si no, vés a Formentera i veuràs que les sargantanes son verdes i descarades des del far del Cap de Barbaria al far de la Mola.

Mireia ha dit...

Pacient imbècil, no he nombrat Ripoll però si Camprodon que està bastant aprop, si hagués de nombrar tots els pobles de Catalunya acabaria boja.
I respecte això que dius del "fet nacionalment homogeneïtzador", trobo que és una tonteria però si tu penses així, comquè no ens podràs fer canviar- pq intentar que totes les dones del Principat canviin és bastant difícil-, el meu consell és que te'n busquis una de família gallega, madrilenya o andalusa (p.ex) que a Catalunya hi ha gent de tot arreu i segur que en trobes. Si malgrat això, pel fet de viure a Catalunya aquestes dones ja s'han contaminat del "divinisme o mort" - tot i ser de gens espanyols - hauràs de fer "carretera i manta" per les Ecspanyes en busca de noies com cal.
Salut!

Anònim ha dit...

Mireia, et deixes "Falset", la capital del Priorat... d'on veniu moltes

Mireia ha dit...

També m'he deixat "Taradell" d'on en veniu molts...

Anònim ha dit...

Avui en dia ser sincer és un acte revolucionari. Molta gent passa etapes negatives el que passa que no les diu i així queda bé. Aquesta mena de gent és la que sempre es guarda asos sota la màniga: Gent calculadora i deshonesta.

Te més merit caure i tornar-se a aixecar.

Mireia ha dit...

Clar... i tu d'això no n'ets gens, oi? ¬¬', tu ets perfecte i ho fas tot bé, d' hipòcrita geeeeeeeens. Mira, no hi ha tema més cansí, pesat i passat que aquest. Tot plegat em sembla una ximpleria. Si m'has de dir alguna cosa, m'envies un email i punt. Si no, deixa'm en pau i els comentaris anònims al meu blog te'ls pots estalviar pq em comença a semblar una mica exessiu i retorçat tot plegat. Les teves formes no em fan i mai m'han fet cap gràcia. Pots seguir calumniant sobre mi i tot el que vulguis però no et passis ni un pel pq sé perfectament què cal fer en determinats casos, que de tonta no ho sóc i tot té un límit eh. Para de remenar la merda i suda de mi.

Doctor Cabró ha dit...

He esborrat un parell de comentaris anònims que fregaven l'atac personal contra la Mireia.

El Doctor Cabró no tolerarà aquestes actituds en aquest blog, i no permetrà que es converteixi en un espai on es puguin escriure comentaris anònims que no aporten absolutament res i que tracten d'atacar personalment i covardament algun dels participants del blog.


Doctor Cabró.

Dolsa ha dit...

Desgraciadament, la nació catalana no acaba més enllà de l'Ebre sinó més avall del Segura...
llàstima, les catalanes del Túria no estaran gaire contentes...

Doctor Cabró ha dit...

Bé, crec que les catalanes del sud no s'haurien de sentir molestes sinó tot el contrari, precisament no han estat incloses a l'estudi no pas per voler dividir la nació que va de Salses a Guardamar, sinó perquè no mostren el grau de prepotència i antipatia que per desgràcia exhibeix la dona principatina.

Atentament,

Doctor Cabró.

Anònim ha dit...

Crec que llegint els vostres "estudis" i "disseccions" del caràcter i protocols d'actuació del gènere femení. És inevitable afirmar de vosaltres certes coses:
- Sou solters (a pesar vosstre)
- Siguireu sent solters (ja que si no us haureu d'empassar els vostres "principis")
- Encara que no volgueu seguireu sent solters (ja que si algun dia teniu sort i lligueu,només descobrir el que escribiu us deixaran)

Ara bé, es valora l'esforç d'intentar entendre la psicologia femenina, ni que sigui a la vostra manera.
Un consell... plantejeu-vos la homosexualitat!

Doctor Cabró ha dit...

Celebro que s'hagi llegit tot el blog i la convido a que en
pròximes ocasions no s'amagui darrera un anònim i signi els seus comentaris. Sol ser un protocol habitual dins el món dels blogs.

A vostè no li han agradat els continguts del blog, fet que és absolutament respectable,
però en lloc de criticar arguments concrets es permet el luxe de qualificar-nos i jutjar-nos sense ni tan sols coneixe'ns, ni saber quina mena de persones som, ni conèixer les nostres trajectòries personals.

Evidentment, als seus judicis de valor sobre les nostres persones jo els dono el valor que realment tenen, és a dir, ZERO.

Però no és això el que em preocupa, el que em preocupa és el feixisme i la homofòbia que destil·len els seus arguments.
Pel que dedueixo dels seus comentaris, per a vostè els homosexuals són una classe inferior de sub-humans reprimits que es converteixen a la homosexualitat per la falta d'atenció femenina.

Crec que aquesta concepció del paper de l'homosexualitat dins una societat ni tan sols s'haurien atrevit a signar-la el Doctor Mengele o el Doctor Goebbels.

Són uns arguments que encarnen perfectament l'actual onada de feminazisme (el "nou" feminisme del segle XXI) que persegueix la destrucció absoluta de l'home i la masculinitat. El proper tema a tractar pel Doctor Cabró aprofundirà en aquesta problemàtica.

Per últim, ens intenta desprestigiar qualificant-nos de "solters" (com si això fos un problema). Tots sabem que per a l'home, ser solter no suposa cap problema, podem fornicar igualment i seguir gaudint de la vida sense cap problema tot i no tenir parella.

En canvi les dones.... hehehe. Ja ho sabem... Una solterona als trenta suposa una greu crisi personal, el rellotge biològic que va fent tic-tac-tic-tac, dificultat per establir relacions d'amistat per l'ansietat que suposa
la recerca obsessiva d'un príncep Romeu que probablement mai apareixerà, etc.

Estimada amiga, li agraeixo la seva preocupació envers la meva persona, però puc assegurar-li que mai havia sentit tan vigor físic i mental com en l'actual moment en que em trobo.


Atentament,


Doctor Cabró

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